i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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