i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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