Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pants are for mortals
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
