I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
