He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
