i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
