yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
