Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
