Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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