My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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