Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
