Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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