my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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