I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
