Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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