I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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