I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
