I'm really into asian looking animals
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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