I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
