I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
