you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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