i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
