Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
