I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
