He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
