my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
