she woke up with a sticky ear
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
