went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
