you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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