I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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