Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
