20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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