Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
