Redeem this text for a blowjob
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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