Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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