I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
