Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im six kinds of drunk right now
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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