Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I enjoy the company of your penis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
