She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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