Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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