State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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