I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm just crazy horny about you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
