I wannas sexs uuuuu
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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