My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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