I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
smell my finger.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
