Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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