I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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