I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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