He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
