Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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