Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
