Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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