did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
